39

The difference between 29 and 39; a birthday reflection.

The last 10 years have been a period of tremendous growth for me, no doubt a common sentiment from anyone, a decade is a long time after all.

It’s a long enough period of time that my memory starts to get a little fuzzy but to my recollection the year I was 29 was the beginning of a big shift for me, more significant, from this vantage, then the first year of my 30s.

I spent my 20’s wound up pretty tight. When I was approaching 30 I started to feel the pressure lift a bit, I started to emerge into the real version of Faith, not the fearful little girl who hid behind her sister or her man or her friends out of shame and insecurity.

Old friends and family, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I did a half decent job of faking Faith for those first few decades, wearing confidence and self-assurance like the latest fashion (well, actually in my case, more like the latest thrift store find). But it was always a thin veil, underneath I was looking everywhere, and to everyone, for answers to how I was supposed to be in this world.

As I approached 30, the facade of Faith started to become the real thing.

As I approach 40, I feel this happening once again.  I’ve had this sense of being impervious that started last fall and is continuing to grow. I don’t have to hid behind everyone else, I am no longer ashamed and fearful that who I am is not right.

Who I am is as right as it gets.  The same is true for you, my friend. Your vulnerability, our vulnerability, your mistakes, our mistakes, your sorrow, our sorrow, our shame, our triumphs,

As I was writing the last paragraph I realized something cool; take the ‘y’ of YOUR and you get OUR.

We are one.

Happy birthday to me!

(Image of Cedar Levine & me by Meredith Coe)

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