Years ago, when I was barely 17 years old, I trained to become a whitewater raft guide. I was the youngest person at the company because you can’t start guiding until you are 18 but I wanted to spend the summer on the river.
There were many strong and independent women who worked there. One particular woman, a divorcee of 23 or 24, made an impression on me. She was so fierce and confident and womenly and worldly.
One day she off-handedly said to me, after accepting an offer from one of our 19 year-old male co-workers to carry a particularly heavy cooler, “I’m a feminist except when it’s in my best interest not to be”.
Almost 14 years later and this quote still regularly resurfaces in my mind.
Over the long course of my relationship with my now-husband certain roles have emerged in our household. Super-stereo-typical roles. I do most of the cooking and house keeping. He does most of the work involving the car, the roof, heavy lifting, or major power tools.
I’m okay with this.
In fact, it’s how I like it.
I don’t feel any less empowered as a human because anything involving technology makes my eyes glaze over. I am confident in my ability to problem solve and if left to my own devices, I could get whatever needs done, done. But Tate actually enjoys that stuff and we’ve found a happy division of labor that makes sense to us.
I am a feminist. I’m also a happy homemaker. Creating a comfortable and healthy home for my family is high on my list of priorities and fills me with satisfaction.
The feminist movement was vital in allowing me this satisfaction and choice. I am absolutely a product of my generation and am painfully aware that had my husband and I been born even a decade earlier we may have fought these traditional roles tooth and nail so as not to perpetuate the inequality that is still an issue in America.
I will forever be grateful to my tractor-driving mother and my gentle father, who is the biggest feminist I know. They both demonstrated traditional and non-traditional roles as parents while remaining nurturing and open-minded.
Tate, making me the cold frame I requested for seedlings. We went over the design together then he did the work.
Make no mistake about, I am horrified at the inequality between men and women that is still part of every day life in America. The government is still one huge ass good ‘ol boys club trying to keep their hands in women’s reproductive rights, among many other things that is not their business.
I am a feminist and it’s always in my best interest to be one.
I’m a feminist too – older than you so I remember when girls were encouraged to be cheerleaders not athletes. Sometimes it feels like we’re going back in time. Women have power and we need to hold on to that. Equality for all is freedom for all!
Thanks for another good post.
You’re welcome, I was hesitant to write it because I do understand that I come from a unique and rosy perspective. I have many feminist men in my life and have never been in a work environment that was hostel or unjust to me as a woman (although I am all too aware that they exist in large numbers). The cheerleader thing and the issue of sexualizing women in the media is a post for another day!
Great post. I think that’s so key – the ability to make a CHOICE about what roles you want to take on. I actually enjoy cooking, so it makes sense that I would do most of it at home. My husband actually enjoys fixing things with tools, so it makes sense that he would do those type of things.
YES! Exactly, the acknowledgement of choice was definitely an objective for the post, so glad that came across.
Right on!!! 🙂
This posting brought tears to the eyes of your feminist father. Thank you and love you
🙂 Thank you and you are welcome.
It’s also in our best feminist interests to VOTE like feminists. Great post, Faith, we fought the fight so your daughters wouldn’t have to. We can’t afford to lose the gains we’ve made in the last two generations.
Love that quote!
I meant to tell you yesterday how much I loved this post! Great job articulating feminism for our generation.
This is spot on!
Thank you, so glad you can relate!
I know I’m a few months late on this post, but I just found it, and I have to say… I agree 100%! Everything you said is everything I’ve been thinking for years. And now it makes me so much less confused about whether it’s “okay” to be a feminist AND a homemaker. Thank you!! 🙂
Great Alicia, so glad it resonated with you! Thanks for letting me know!