Contagious Love
It’s been a crazy summer.
Life has lead me down some interesting paths lately and along the way I’ve discovered and re-read a few of my old journals from junior high and high school.
These little hand-written books reveal a me that I’d all but forgotten about. I look back on that girl I was and feel a little sad. She was so discontent. She was self-conscious and insecure. She was also calm, brave, independent, and self-assured, which I think (and hope) is the majority of what people saw. But reading back over the journals I am struck by the self-loathing.
Pretty sad, eh?
I think so, but I also think it’s incredibly common. The teenage years are insanely challenging and I think it’s unfortunately common to experience this type of discontent.
Luckily, I am looking back on that version of myself from a very happy and healthy place. If I could scoop little me up in a big hug I would tell her that there will be a time when she is totally in love with life and with herself. I would tell her that these feelings are normal but not necessary. I would tell her that her body is just right the way it is and that the only way to wear a bikini is with a generous slather of confidence. I would tell her that the joy of self-confidence is a greater reward than the pain of insecurity. I would tell her that all she can ever be is her and she deserves the best. I would tell her that confidence is like that magic penny; hold it close and you won’t have any, lend it, spend it and you’ll have so many they’ll roll all over the floor. I would tell her to go out and live with a full moon in each eye and propose to the world “love me and I’ll love you right back”.
With That Moon Language
Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them,
“Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud;
Otherwise,
Someone would call the cops.
Still though, think about this,
This great pull in us to connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying,
With that sweet moon
Language,
What every other eye in this world
Is dying to
Hear.
Hafiz (translated by Daniel Ladinsky)
