Contagious Love

It’s been a crazy summer.

Life has lead me down some interesting paths lately and along the way I’ve discovered and re-read a few of my old journals from junior high and high school.

These little hand-written books reveal a me that I’d all but forgotten about.  I look back on that girl I was and feel a little sad.  She was so discontent.  She was self-conscious and insecure.  She was also calm, brave, independent, and self-assured, which I think (and hope) is the majority of what people saw.  But reading back over the journals I am struck by the self-loathing.

Pretty sad, eh?

I think so, but I also think it’s incredibly common.  The teenage years are insanely challenging and I think it’s unfortunately common to experience this type of discontent.

Luckily, I am looking back on that version of myself from a very happy and healthy place. If I could scoop little me up in a big hug I would tell her that there will be a time when she is totally in love with life and with herself.  I would tell her that these feelings are normal but not necessary.  I would tell her that her body is just right the way it is and that the only way to wear a bikini is with a generous slather of confidence.  I would tell her that the joy of self-confidence is a greater reward than the pain of insecurity.  I would tell her that all she can ever be is her and she deserves the best.  I would tell her that confidence is like that magic penny; hold it close and you won’t have any, lend it, spend it and you’ll have so many they’ll roll all over the floor.  I would tell her to go out and live with a full moon in each eye and propose to the world “love me and I’ll love you right back”.

With That Moon Language

Admit something:

Everyone you see, you say to them,

“Love me.”

 

Of course you do not do this out loud;

Otherwise,

Someone would call the cops.

 

Still though, think about this,

This great pull in us to connect.

 

Why not become the one

Who lives with a full moon in each eye

That is always saying,

With that sweet moon

Language,

What every other eye in this world

Is dying to

Hear.

 

Hafiz (translated by Daniel Ladinsky)