Fear Itself
I’ve been thinking a whole lot about fear lately.
It seems that everywhere I turn I see another awesome article or quote or blog post about overcoming fear, standing up for yourself, and basically owning your total bad-ass self.
I don’t doubt that I have some serious bad-ass potential but throughout a lotta my life it’s been hidden behind some unnecessary and not-always-helpful fear.
A few days ago a friend of mine was a little too quick to agree with me that he thinks that my sisters are tougher than me. He’s met them twice. I wasn’t offended, not too much, my sisters are tougher than me! Yarrow used to ‘tightrope walk’ across the top of the jungle gym when she was just two feet tall. Cedar backpacked around New Zealand at 18 by herself. Sure, I was a whitewater raft guide at 17 but that never would have happened had Yarrow not already paved the way for me.
I’ve been scared, fearful, timid for a lot of my life. This might not be your first, or even second or twentieth, impression of me but I feel it from the inside. My teens and twenties were spent with a lot of fear over being embarrassed, standing out, looking awkward, not being good at something, offending someone, being taken the wrong way, you get the idea.
I was, and am, a confident human. I know I’m a good dancer, a capable cook, a nice person. I can argue my point if I feel very strongly and am knowledgeable on the subject manner. But sometimes my agree-ability is a mask. Sometimes I am afraid to truly speak my mind for fear of straight up looking stupid. The thing is, who gives a shit? If all these other people are feeling compelled to write about overcoming fears and embracing/facing our insecurities than I am definitely not alone in this experience.
In the past I always imagined that faking confidence and avoiding anything that challenged my (many) insecurities was the road to never looking stupid and keeping up an image of…I don’t exactly know…fearlessness? As I become a full-fledged adult (scary and beautiful and totally happening) I’m realizing more and more how much I respect and appreciate others for being open and honest about their own fears and insecurities.
In short, I find real, raw humanness so heartwarming and beautiful and even kind of sweet. Screw bravado, I wanna help you up after you fall on your face! And I want you to do the same for me.
Some of the articles that I’ve been reading lately…
10 Life Changing Tips Inspired by Rumi from MindBodyGreen
How Will You Ever Know If You Don’t Fucking Try? from A Life Less Bullshit
Do Whatever The Fuck You Want also from A Life Less Bullshit
Avoiding Fear by Indulging in Our Fear of Fear from Seth’s Blog
Sing it Brett!! Darling Do Not Fear
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”
and of course…
