{The following post was inspired by a call for help from a dear friend who has found themselves very uncomfortably overweight and at a loss with how to proceed. I think they wanted exercise or “diet” tips but I know from personal experience that diets and exercise are basiclly bandaids on broken bones when it comes to weight. The following is the most honest and useful response I could muster.}

Weight loss and weight maintenance is an in-depth and intense process of tuning-in to yourself.

On the surface, the equation is simple; to lose weight, the calories in through consumption must be less calories out (through both movement and basic metabolic function). In order to maintain your weight, they need to be equal.

That’s the good news, the hard facts.

The reality is, we are humans with all sorts of complications interrupting the math.

As I see it (and feel it, and experience it) the main complications arise when we are not honest with ourselves, when we ignore ourselves, and when we defend ourselves to ourselves.

This deep level of dishonesty tends to be BFF’s with shame.

And what does shame do? Shame makes us want to turn up the blinders on deep, honest self-evalution. Shame pushes us towards defensiveness and numbness.

Brene Brown’s research on shame has helped me understand how shame is a really shitty conduit for change.

Believe me, I’ve tried the shame tactic with both myself and some of my closest loved ones many, many times.

Not once did it functionally produce the change I was shaming for.

I was kind of bummed when I realized this. Shame felt such an easy go-to when it came to trying to illicit change in both myself and others.

Damnit, the easy way wasn’t going to cut it.

So, what does work?

Honesty.

Over the last several years I have come to really dislike feeling super full after a meal. It signals to me that I wasn’t paying attention, that I wasn’t being honest to the needs and desires of my dear, sweet self.

I’m talking about really, truly overeating. I’m talking about those times where the majority of cues about what and how much you ate are coming from external sources; how beautiful the food is, how much food there is, how much other people are eating, how much you paid for it, how much time went into the preparation, what time of day it is…

We are always going to be influenced by the external but I deeply believe that in order to serve ourselves best, the majority of cues need to come from inside.

It is all within you.

Make it your mission to find that concept powerful & empowering rather than scary and hopeless.

When I stopped overeating regularly (it still happens sometimes, of course) and started feeding my deep, true hunger needs, I shed close to 10 pounds. It felt like it fell off me. I was exercising less than the previous 10 years (another topic for another day), my appetite was strong but not overpowering like it was when I was stuffing my stomach on the reg, and the familiar regret of “crap, I overate again, I’ll try again tomorrow to ‘be good’” disappeared.

The ever-wise Deepok Chopra has a concept that can apply beautifully to this task of tuning in to your true hunger and tuning out the external noise: S.T.O.P

Stop, pause.

Take a breath, focusing on your breath for even one inhale-exhale will help cue you into you.

Observe, now is the time to key into both the internal and external. Are you truly hungry? If so, for what? What are the external factors contributing to the moment? What external factors are going to challenge your ability to deeply listen to your internal needs and cues. How do you want to feel when you are done eating, both physically and psychologically?

Proceed with caution and LOVE.

I use this technique multiple times before and during eating. It is a practice, not a destination, and there are times I let my practice go and there are times when it is the last thing I want to do but in the big picture I know that it serves me best not to overserve myself with calories, guilt, or shame but rather with the perfect plate of honesty, self love, and nutritious, delicious food.

If this post resonates with you at all, or if you have any questions/want help with the concepts above, please don’t hesitate to reach out, publicly or privately.

All my love, Faith