compassion

The Golden Rule

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I’ve always considered myself a compassionate person but lately I’ve been reassessing this belief.

The truth is, I am quite compassionate, when it’s convenient and easy and comfortable and familiar.

There are other times though, either when dealing with someone who I find very difficult or, sad as it sounds, I’m being the difficult one and decide to take it out on others.  These are the times that call for true compassion and yet the hardest times to truly put it in to practice.

Perhaps what I am really speaking of is empathy.  I realize they are not exactly interchangeable but they do go hand in hand, sister emotions.

Either way, I’ve been in a few situations lately where my patience and tolerance were majorly tried and after reacting rather unsympathetically I found myself dwelling on the scenario.  A few days ago, while speaking with a particularly difficult (to me) person and feeling a ball of impatience, judgement, and frustration grow in my gut, it hit me hard; I was not practicing my yoga! My light was not seeing and honoring her light, I was not treating her as I would like to be treated.

So I took a deep breath, chilled the fuck out, and attempted to realize the true nature of empathy and compassion.  It’s not always convenient and it’s not always easy but it is always, always appropriate.

In the end, I actually found some pleasure in our interaction because I let go of my own preconceived notions of how she was being inconsiderate to me and recognized that in this moment, this woman was doing the best she could and so was I. And you know what? Not only was the whole interaction more pleasant, at the end of the day I was proud of myself.  I like feeling proud of myself. Selfish motivators are powerful motivators. 🙂

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” The Dalai Lama

I wanna be happy!

Being compassionate is not about being a push-over or a people pleaser, it’s about getting over yourself enough to recognize that we’re all the same, we’re all struggling, we’re all on this journey of the human experience, and ultimately we all want love and respect. Sound familiar? Sounds golden to me.

 

 

 

Bowl Full of Lemons

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Most people who know me would use words like “grounded”, “calm”, or “low-key” to describe my personality.  I would have to agree with them….mostly.

Yesterday I was more like a big ball of anxiety and frustration.

I was feeling overwhelmed by what I “needed” to accomplish and underwhelmed with own ability to get it done.

I am far from a perfectionist but yesterday I realized just what high expectations I place on myself sometimes.  Not unrealistically high but the kind of high that creates a bit of panic if I fall short.

Around the holidays last year I thought a lot about, and wrote about, compassion.  My mind was focused on cultivating compassion towards others and I gave little thought towards self-compassion.  Self-compassion is a tricky thing for me to wrap my brain around.  In many ways I am gentle and kind to myself and rarely let negative self-talk take over my inner dialogue.  On the other hand, when I think of self-compassion a little part of me wants to scream that that is just my inner apathy wanting to be let off the hook.

Like most things in life it comes down to balance.

How can we find the balance between self-compassion, self-critique, and just plain apathy?

It helps to start by acknowledging that like most things in life, achieving this balance is an active, not static, practice.  Balance is rarely passive.  Stand on a tightrope, how passive do you feel?  Most likely every cell in your body is on high alert with the goal of keeping you upright.

One of the challenges this presents is that there isn’t one right answer.  Some days balance comes quick and easy, other days I stumble to stand up! At different times in my life I will need to draw on tried and true techniques from the past as well as find new tools to apply to each unique situation.

What’s in my toolbox today?  Gratitude.

Too blessed to be stressed so I’m making lemonade!