may

I am turning 35 tomorrow.

It’s going to be a good day. Sleeping in, maybe a hike, teaching a little, tacos and margaritas in the backyard with some of my favorites, dancing my ass off to March Fourth Marching Band. Then, on Friday, back to life as normal. Except I’ll be 35.

I’m grateful for 35.  I have a confidence and calmness that I’ve never felt before.  This is certainly a natural part of ‘growing up” for many but let’s get it straight; I’ve also worked DAMN HARD to feel this way.  Lots of observing others, lots of investigating who I am and who I want to be, lots of meditation and crying and misunderstanding and communicating and ignoring and recognizing and holding on and letting go.

Let’s get another thing straight; I’ve got a helluva lot more work to do.

But for now I’m grateful for this place I’ve arrived at on the eve of my 35th birthday.

I feel calm yet also a bit restless, a lot wanderlust, and a huge sense of curiosity.

I’m not feeling bored; I’m feeling brave. 

Brave like I’ve never felt, which for me isn’t actually saying that much.  I am risk averse, I am calculated, I am insecure about putting myself out there with the possibility of failure.

Or, I used to be. Or, I used to be much more than I am now.

In any case, this new-found boldness is exciting.

 

Erin Hanson

This new-found boldness is really a lessening of fear of being vulnerable. I always want to fly but I’m not nearly as afraid to fall and enjoying the leaping more than ever.

Post Script

Dearest Fellow May Babies (of which, there are MANY!),

What a glorious time to be born!  I wish you all extra special days and magnificent Mays, let’s make this the best yet!

xo F